The Unbalanced Harmony of Endless Insanity

For once some good news...

2008-05-17T19:08:23Z

Gay marriage ban overturned
State high court's 4-3 ruling prompts celebration, opposition.

CALIFORNIA RULES!!!!

Fuuuuuuucccckkkkking crazy ass Filipino people

2008-04-27T08:42:16Z

Most of you know I've been deliberately hiding from my parents... with good reason that I will not be reiterating.

I've always seen those films on TV with the high speed car chases, but I would never have dreamt that I would be in one. Peter, Gregg and I went to King's Hawaiian Bakery in order to pick up a cake for Annie's birthday. By a stroke of the dirtiest luck, my sister was there along with her two sons (and I guess my asshole of a brother-in-law).

Gregg and I rapidly exited the bakery, but we had to leave Peter. We went back to get him after driving for a while, but they saw us and started chasing after us. Every turn, merge, change lane we made, they matched close behind us. There were CHILDREN in their car, but they were not afraid to run over red lights and make illegal turns just to keep up with us. They chased us for about an hour and a half.

AN HOUR AND A HALF.

My sister screamed that they just "wanted to talk" and "why was I hiding," but you don't chase someone for that long just to find out if "they're all right."

Fuck, I was dead tired and I wasn't even the one driving the car. We should have pulled up to a police station, but I wasn't thinking straight at that time. All I could think about was getting away. We also saw them taking a picture of my license plate... so they may have found us that way (sister works at DMV).

We finally managed to lose them, but we saw them heading towards the direction of Gregg's aunt's house. We got back home and parked rather far from where we currently reside, but they still found us. There was a note on my windshield pretty much reiterating what they shouted.

Honestly, I'm terrified. They gave me a choice when I left, and I a pretty sure the choice I made was crystal clear. However, it was not the answer that they wanted, so of course they will still be chasing after me... harassing me with what they just believe is good intentions.

I was shocked that they even managed to find us, so I called the Sheriff's department. A policewoman came to my house and told me that something like this needs a restraining order. They should not have chased me in the first place. They may say that they are just worried about me, but doing what they have done is ridiculous. Should this continue, I will file. I knew Filipino people are crazy, but definitely not this crazy. I need a good hug, some ice cream, and a full bottle of pepper spray.

BPAL

2007-12-28T04:19:07Z

Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab.

I'm hooked.

I'm so hooked.

I'm so hooked I could hang myself.

I want it all!!!!

And to rule the world.

Meme stolen from Shanna

2007-12-11T06:13:05Z

1. Go to the Wikipedia home page and click "random article" (in the menu on the left). That is your band's name.

2. Click random article again; that is your album name.

3. Click random article 15 more times; those are the tracks on your album.

Band name: The Vampire of the Ancient Castle
Album Name: February 23

Tracks:
1. Gangga Negara
2. Quartic Equation
3. Satish Gujral
4. Civil Partnerships in Jersey
5. Emanuele Beruado di Pralormo
6. Cable TV Privacy Act
7. Next Greek Legislative Election
8. Canyon Sainte-Anne
9. Tebar
10. Romarigaes
11. Dinh
12. Sciara
13. New Sensations
14. Mustisia Magnifica
15. List of Craters in Venus

Ranting...

2007-11-07T17:52:53Z

Okay, here's the thing. A few months ago, I wrote that I split from my parents because of issues they don't believe we've been having. I'm always the one apologizing because apparently, they're never wrong. I understand that they're uber traditional Filipinos, but that is no excuse to be treating me like I am different from everybody else. In some ways, I understand why Uchiha Itachi did what he did in a sick, twisted way, but that just might be me.

I guess it started out when I came to the United States, or even before that when they forced my sister to marry the person she did. The main difference between my siblings and I is that I was raised here, oh and that my nearest
sibling is about 18 years older than I am. That separates me and my parents a couple of generations. They expected me to stay the "obedient" daughter who will do anything for family. But when family has abandoned me, my penchant
for independence finally got a hold.

Their main complaint is that I "changed too much too quickly." I am going to be 23 years old in a few days. I have not been the child they thought I am for a long time. But since I am the youngest, I don't think that mentality would ever change. I should write a book. I didn't have the best childhood, but what my parents see is not exactly what I do. There is a reason why I hate... no, it even goes further than that... loathe my brother-in-law. It's not exactly
something I care to talk about. But I don't care, I've moved on and besides, as long as I don't see him again, I won't rip out his eyes.

Even if I told my parents, they wouldn't have believed me or would have forced my mouth shut. They are so grateful for him for marrying their daughter (who he had only known for 2 weeks) and bringing them to the US that they won't care what a little kid would say. There is no such thing as child abuse or children's rights in the Philippines, so why should they follow such a thing here? I've wanted to run away for so long, but they always threatened me about deportation because of my lack of guardianship and papers. I hated being this powerless.

They changed as soon as I came to the US. Bs would no longer be accepted and will be punishable by slapping my face or hitting me. I was not allowed to hang out with friends or date until college because that was considered unnecessary. But even during college, they took back their promise and decided that that was still unnecessary. So I rebelled. Gregg asked me to marry him. and I would have been a fool to say no. In a way, he, Bettina, Jenny, and John were my anchors to reality. They were the reason I stayed sane, depressed, but sane.

I still remember Christina, a high school friend who removed herself from her parents' clutches in a more permanent fashion. I can't say I approve of what she did, but it's not like I haven't thought of taking the same path. I miss her. But my friends keep me sane and I am thankful for that.

My parents seemed okay with the engagement, until they asked me what "being engaged" really entails. To them it meant that they will set the bars for what is going to happen in the future, i.e., not getting married for five years whether we liked it or not. They didn't even take into account what Gregg's family might want. It just proved to me that they would not break face in public, but in private, the claws come out. They did not even want me to take Gregg home even though they "accepted" him. What a bunch of bull. I am happy with Gregg, my friends, and his family. They don't require anything of me than what I am willing to give. I could be myself with them and not try to
be something I'm not.

Gregg says that I am beautiful at least once everyday (usually more than once) and although I always shake my head and refute his claims, in truth, it's okay because I know he loves me and I love him more than anything. My family does not love me unconditionally. They have no use for a daughter who is as independent as I.

My sister called me the other day, asking why I haven't called or visited. I can forgive her because she said to just forget about everything and just move on. What I can't forgive is that she told me to apologize for what I have done to my parents. I can't accept this because I would be destroying my new freedom -and- saying I am wrong to people who will only take my feelings and dash them upon the ground. But since I am a sentimental idiot, I tried doing what
she said.

I called my mother afterwards, but all she did was cry and not even listen to a single word I said. She said that out of all her children, I am the most hurtful and the one who has disappointed them the most. She kept on crying and would not even listen to any apologies I tried to make, convinced that I am the antagonist in this story. She asked why I changed so quickly and they they couldn't sleep at night because of me. She does not know the meaning of being sorry and letting go. It's funny that such a devout Christian would not know the meaning of forgiveness.

I wanted to tell her how close I have come to committing suicide. I wanted to tell her how many times I wanted to run away. I wanted to tell her everything that I have suffered through during the past 13 years. The friendless nights, the loveless days, the feeling of never being good enough, the lack of a childhood, the jealousy of having them be proud of the mediocre accomplishments of another, the inability to make my own decisions, the excuses I had to give in order to make everyone else happy. Except for me. They hadn't cared when Christina died and I cried my eyes out for days. Only my friends comforted me.

I was created to be perfect, but Toby was created to be loved. I am not willing to make that sacrifice of my own future in order to make them happy. My parents may be willing, but I want to live a life of my own, with or without them. I am happy where I am now, where know I am unconditionally loved. I love this freedom.

When I was talking to my sister, I finally realized why she called. My parents have been removed from the apartment where they were living for goodness knows what reason. My father no longer has a job and my brother-in-law was also laidoff. Humanity dictated me to feel empathy, but I just couldn't bring myself to feel anything. I neither felt smug nor pitying. It was almost like this was happening to strangers from far away. It almost scared me to realize how cold and unaffected I felt. But it may just be because I have already wasted so much emotion on them during my life that there is nothing more I can spare.

I had not cried and my voice had not even cracked when my mother was bursting out in tears over the phone. I've always heard the expression "a frozen heart" but never really experienced it until now. During the time of the call, all I heard was that they wanted something from me, something I am no longer willing to give. My parents have not changed. My mother still tries to dictate my life when I told her that Gregg and I passed the CBEST for the teacher certification in California. The only thing that came out of her mouth was "so what, are you not going back to school anymore?" They will never be truly proud of anything I accomplish until I put a check in their hands and a Benz in their driveway.

I don't really know what to feel, but I am certain that I am not willing to give up what I have right now. I have no more emotion to spare and I don't want to take depression tablets. I am finally able to sleep soundly at night and my dreams are no longer nightmares.

But really, for the person reading this, am I the antagonist of the story?

OMFG!!

2007-10-20T17:18:59Z

J.K. Rowling just said that Albus Dumbledore is gay.

YESSSSSSH!!!!! *cheers and throws confetti around*

I realized it's been a while since I posted here.

2007-08-22T14:23:40Z

To cut it short, I have graduated from USC, bought a new car named Kozi, got engaged, am now living with Gregg and his family, cut ties with my family, and got a new job.

All within two months.

asurarevenge @ 2007-03-25T00:06:00

2007-03-25T07:26:28Z

My aunt's dead.

It sounds harsh, cold, and empty to anyone else who doesn't know her. It could just be any aunt or anyone who's dead. Except for that first little word "My". She's my aunt. She's not going to stop being my aunt just because she's dead. I usually get my way and this is no different.

Her name was Leonor. We called her Nanay Taba... "Fat Mama" now that I think about it.

Then again, I haven't really tried thinking that much over the past few days. I don't know what to feel, really. I was pretty irritated at her when she let me freeze alone one Christmas. And I'm not really one who quickly forgives. So when I learned that she had another stroke and was in a coma, it didn't really affect me too much. I was even quite irritated that I was forced to go home when I still had an essay to write. But standing in that cold room watching her hands die was almost the end of me.

I then commenced playing Bust-A-Move on my DS outside.

I was talking about getting my cartilage pierced with my friends at work, laughing. Then one phone call had me half-fainted on the floor, hiding from the customers in my shame. Rianna had to half-drag me up the escalator so that I could collapse in the bathroom away from the customers.

My father was crying when he told me. He never cries. I could have gone home, perhaps even should have. But I stayed and was laughing about utility belts and chocolate banana shakes later on.

I've also been playing an almost sickening amount of DDR. A few times I've found myself gasping like a goldfish out of water on the floor. Then I question myself if I'm doing it to simply stop thinking or because I want to fit the black dress currently hanging next to my desk. But then that means having to think. I can't eat either, and I worry my head off of everything. Solitude becomes my friend and the DDR mat becomes my punching bag.

I'm still no sure how to feel, except that this is affecting me more than I originally thought. I mean, it should in the first place and I shouldn't even have to think about it.

I don't like death. I'm not talking about the death in plays or movies where they can still go on for hours moaning, groaning, and addressing everyone and everything but the kitchen sink. I mean the death that goes by without a whisper, when there is nobody there to witness it. I still miss Christina, just as much as I miss Nanay Taba. And I hate death because of it.

Bow down before me.

2007-02-06T03:10:33Z

So, for Jenny and John's upcoming nuptials, I was asked to preside as the minister to marry them.

Wicked cool.

So, I got myself ordained by the Universal Life Church Monastery today and can officially marry people. I have my sights set on my fishes and Bettina's turtles.

And you. Just bring me a marriage license and I'll marry you love birds over ice cream. There are some rules though, mainly that I'm not supposed to marry people against their will and that I'm not supposed to marry people with public figures and/or fictional characters. Sorry guys, I can't marry you to Severus Snape any time soon.

So, I"m now a priest... or is it priestess? Man, do I have to take a vow of celibacy or something? ^^ I don't think Gregg will like that very much...

asurarevenge @ 2007-01-01T16:03:00

2007-01-01T23:03:44Z

One day, I'm going to end up killing my brother-in-law and not EVER regret it.

WTF happened while I was gone.

2006-12-25T00:07:56Z

I get home and my father, mother, and Gregg came to pick me up. What I wasn't expecting was for them to invite him to breakfast and then our house... and then that following Saturday for lunch and then Universal CityWalk.

My parents and my family have accepted Gregg after two years. It's still pretty hard to believe all of it; however, I'm not about to say no to this. ^^

I paid for my own trip to Japan, a place I've always been aching to go to. I financed almost 4 months of overseas travel for myself. I do my own taxes. I do all of my own paperwork. I do so much by myself now and I have been an adult for a while. But my father finally accepted that.

Not saying that 2006 was all happiness. I had to undergo a lot of trials too, but by the end, I have never felt so free.

It's the best Christmas gift EVER.

I am poor...

2006-12-08T10:52:37Z

Oh man, I am so poor. But really, it's a good kind of poor since I've actually been buying omiyage for everyone back in the US. I just hope that you guys like what I've gotten you. I'm sorry if it's not much, but my budget is just so tight and had to be spread over four months. I don't have a cent to my name left.

Here's what I think I bought you guys. If there's something you request, tell me while I am still here. ^^

List of people omiyage are for: (note that this is not a complete list, I'm only going off the top of my head because I'm not in the mood to ransack my room)

---

Friends:

Gregg - It is so difficult to shop for you. I still can't find those cursed CDs. However, I got you something that you are probably not expecting. It's pretty difficult--if not impossible to find a real one in America. And then some other things.

Ashley - A stuffed rabbit made out of chirimen, the really pretty brocade-looking Japanese kimono-cloth. KIT KAT MANIA!!! Bunny and bear cellphone charms.

Bettina - You were a tough one. However, I got you your kitsune as promised. I got you a kitsune cell phone charm from Kyoto and one of those authentic kitsune masks that they wear during special festivals. It was difficult because apparently, they don't make a lot of fox-relating things here because they're considered evil for playing tricks on people. I hope you fit the skirt I got you.

Leilani - Lotsa NYANKOOOOO!! (I even got you a Nyanko Pez dispenser.) I also got you a Hello Kitty-panda cellphone charm and a stuffed kitty with a fish in its mouth.

Jenny - Hey, did you know that they have yoga cell phone charms here? ^^ They also have an awesome selection of socks that are impossible to find in the US, so I got you a few pairs. Chirimen mirror-comb combo. I hope you fit the skirt I got you too.

John - Japan is obsessed with dogs. They seem to have dogs everywhere, but I have yet to see a corgi. However, I found a Corgi-time keeper in one of those nearby department stores. It cracked me up. You can even take out the watch, but it's funny on the dog.

David - Chirimen phone strap, japanese modern art postcards, good luck maneki neko figurine.

Janine - Cat chirimen cellphone strap and purse.

Cree - Owl chirimen wallet and owl chain.

Miriam - More Japanese candy than you can ever eat. And I mean it. ^^

---

Special People:

Mrs. Sakahara
Mrs. James

---

My family:

Dad
Mom
Sister
Brother-in-Law
Toby
Forthcoming-young-kit-who-is-as-of-yet-unborn
Ate Doris' Family
Kuya Jerry's Family
Nanay Taba and Kuya Carding
Kuya Boyet's Family
Kuya Jonel's Family

---

Gregg's family:

Dad
Mary (technically) - Finally found that mug!
Angela (technically)
Grandma
Uncle Dan
Uncle Eric
Aunt Angela
Erica - Adorable pink backpack! Stuffed seal keychain with mirror.
Aunt Thea
Uncle Jim

---

Coworkers:

Sarah
Elizabeth
Practically everyone else.

---

There are most likely people I missed writing on this list. But trust me when I say that I probably have enough crap for everyone. I've spent more on other people than myself, I believe. Not to say that I didn't get myself anything, (I'm getting of with three new kimono and obis) but for $3500 for four months in Japan when I have to feed myself, transportation, and a helluva lot of gifts, is not bad in my opinion. :)

OMFG

2006-11-15T15:24:55Z

I just found out that my sister's pregnant with another kid.

I'm going to be an auntie....

... for the ninth time over.

Christmas time is going to suck for me once these kids grow up.

Argh...

2006-10-15T10:41:10Z

It's official. I knew it was coming when I first read the manga almost two years ago. I'm obsessed with Death Note. I should have been aware of this fact since the mangaka was Obata of Hikago.

I was made very aware of this today when I began salivating over a limited edition "Death Box" that was staring me right in the face. I wanted to buy it and I'm probably going to end up doing so. I bought 2-7 and 11 of the manga today too. And I'll be buying the artbook this coming weekend. And the first part of the Live Action DVD this Tuesday. Then doujinshi of LightxL on Wednesday.

ARGH!!! HOW COULD I LET THIS HAPPEN!?

EDIT:
I'm also currently drunk from drinking shochu with my okaasan, just so you guys know.

Oh boy

2006-09-16T00:37:09Z

I'm getting a hair cut today. Let's see what happens.

Oh, I had a stomachache yesterday. When I told my host mom that I did, she coddled me and told me that the best thing for it is to eat everything on the table. I didn't have the heart to tell her that eating everything made me feel a heckuva lot sicker afterwards.

:) Ah me.

Okaasan, Otousan, Oneechan, and Kurichan (me)

2006-09-03T09:31:53Z

Next update. My allergies are completely cured.

So we finished all of orientation yesterday, which was pretty much just a Japanese placement test. Afterwards, we all went up to meet our host families and to have a kangei (welcome) party. I would have taken a picture of the obento, but I think my host parents would have found that beyond strange, even for a gaijin.

My host family's name is Kaminiwa, or "God's garden." Quite appropriate since they all have green thumbs, especially okaasan. The first couple of minutes was awkward since neither side really knew what to say, but when they realized that I could speak Japanese well enough (since my host mother has difficulty doing so), the three of us couldn't stop talking. It was absolutely great, especially after they discovered my love for fish. But I was really surprised though. I actually thought that communicating with my Japanese parents would be a lot more difficult because I have only learned Japanese in the US. I suppose that my sensei have all done a good job preparing me for this. They even gave me a nickname, "Kuri-chan," which translates to "little chestnut."

After the party, we went home and got me settled in. They wouldn't let me lift a finger to do anything at first, but I suppose that when they realized that I was stronger than any of them, they let me do things. I was expecting a small room with only the bare necessities that was written in the guidebook. However, the room I was provided with is about two or three times larger than the room in my apartment. It was also very cute, curtained, and pink. The bed was freshly made with nice-smelling blankets and a soft, comfy pillow. My host mother and sister were also very taken with the green cat-shaped pillow that I had.

When I was settled in, my otousan (father) showed me the bike that I would be using to go to school, which is about 10 minutes away. It's not particularly far and the path is also relatively simple to follow. We then took to our bikes (everyone seems to be riding one here) and rode to the school. Then, we went around and rode to where one of my JSP friends (Rebecca) lived with the Kurihara family a minute away. Afterwards, we went to the Tsurugashima train station and then rode to where my okaasan (mother) worked at the dental office. Then, we rode to the field that they have where they grow pretty much all the vegetables and fruits the family eats. Our purpose for going there was to pick some "kuri," or chestnuts, from the ground. Kuri for Kurichan was the idea :). When we got home, I was pretty tired but really happy. No wonder people here are tiny! If they have to make such trips everyday. It's not to say that my family doesn't have a car because we *do*.

We have the kind of toilet which shoots water!! :) I felt pretty violated the first time. Chieko neechan told me how things in the house work and then gave me their contact information and a map of the surrounding area. Just looking at the map showed that I've been from one end of it to the other just minutes before. It's weird to see cars driving in the wrong side of the street still. :) I went up to clean some more and then we had dinner consisting of spaghetti with eggplants. When my okaasan came home from work, we ended the night with beer. It's actually really good and not too bitter over here.

However, today was no different.

The day started off with me waking up at about 6:30 am, stupid internal alarm clock. Even if I'm in another country with a completely different passage of time, it still works. We had breakfast downstairs and then my okaasan and I went to the 100 yen shop nearby to by my school supplies. I am going to go mad in that store. SUPER KAWAII!!! I must say that considering the things I bought, it's difficult to think of me as a college student. Chieko neechan even said that I'm like a grade-schooler in the way okaasan and otousan worry so much about me. This doesn't seem to be too far off since I bought glittery pencils and cute little animal erasers that I will put pictures of later. :)

Shogakusei de~su.

I'm really thankful for my host family though, because my neechan does all she can to make me comfortable, my otousan insists on teaching me Japanese foods and culture and drives me around to make certain that I don't get too lost, and my okaasan is beyond nice. She insists on making lunch for me to take to school everyday even though this family is only getting paid for breakfast and dinner. They are only getting paid a small amount to have us here. Today, she bought me a lunchbox, two pairs of hashi, a cup, the bags for these things to go in, a plate, and a lot of other things. I think she spent more than what they were actually given. I've come to love them even after only two days.

A couple of hours later, we went to the library to get my library card. I checked out Japanese Tales in English and Saiyuki in Japanese. Afterwards, we went to this really tasty bread shop where the melon pan is still steaming and the coffee is free. Tasty! We continued by going to the supermarket, where we bought yakitori for tonight's dinner and coffee jelly that she is very fond of. She also showed me another way home that is more brightly lit than the other way through the park. They really worry when I go home late and it is dark outside. However, they insist that I go out with my friends even if I'm not home until midnight as long as I call them. Erai ne!

Major difference with Japan and the US: Many people actually leave things they bought in the baskets of their bikes outside, leave for an hour and so, and find that their things are still there and untouched when they come back.

I had no chance to rest when I got home, for we then went to another supermarket to get the ingredients for tomorrow's breakfasts. The supermarkets here are so huge that the possibility of me getting lost inside one is not impossible.

There is school tomorrow--finally--and I'm pretty exhausted, but my spirits are still pretty high. I still badly miss everyone at home and this is a completely different lifestyle to what I am used to, but I am quickly getting the hang of it. My okaasan and otousan were the youngest kids in their families, so they understand me more than if they weren't. I just want to go to karaoke and a nearby izakaya. Or back to that 100 yen shop to buy other things. Gregg, I am still missing you so much, but thanks to the brilliance of Skype, I'm no longer crying all over myself. Whew, I'm tired.

I'm going to kill these annoying cicadas.

Yokoso! Japan

2006-08-31T14:21:16Z

I MISS GREGG!! Oh god, I can't believe how much I miss you right now. Everyone's laughing about how I keep your picture framed with me all the time. I popped it in my overnight bag because I didn't want it to get ruined, but when I opened it and people saw, I got horribly teased. "You don't only keep a picture of your boyfriend, you keep a framed picture!"

Okay, the actual post.

When I left the US, I heard Gwen Stefani's Harajuku Girls blasting on the radio. I thought, "how appropriate". I arrived on the airport no problem and GREGG was there!!! *kisskisskisskisskiss* Then, I left. My heart felt like it was breaking and I had to look back several times. I got on the plane and I just couldn't sleep the entire time. I couldn't eat too much either because motion sickness set it early and stayed. It didn't help that in the final hour of the field trip, there was rain in the atmosphere near Narita airport, so turbulence was pretty bad. Thus, the thirty foot drop. I watched the altitude meter and I saw a 7 quickly change to a 4... in the tens place.

But all's well. When I arrived, I went to the wrong meeting place, but quickly realized my mistake and went to the right one. Four people were actually waiting for me and along with Melissa, another USC student, we went to the nearby Narita Holiday Inn. I stayed in a room with Rachel from Willamette University and Laura from Occidental. They're both really easy-going and laid-back, especially Laura who apparently have quite a few interests that I do.

We just rested that day and bought stuff in a nearby convenience store. VENDING MACHINES EVERYWHERE!!! Snacks are so much cheaper here, then again, so are the portions. We all went to sleep early but I wasn't particulary jet-lagged. We woke up the next day and had a breakfast buffet. We had a landline to connect thanks to Rachel, so we managed to check our emails and that's about it. Then, we all got ready to leave to TIU.

The bus ride took about three hours, but due to being a GAIJIN, our eyes were popping out with everything from the tall buildings to the cramped streets. Streets have no names, which make it quite difficult to find places. But we went through hours of orientation, which wasn't so bad because Lorenzo was hilarious and great to talk to. We had a bento lunch then continued with more orientation. Afterwards, we left the university and took a train ride from Kasumigaseki to Kawagoe and are currently staying at Hotel Nihon Daiichi, where we have our own rooms. Problem is that the rooms are about a third the size of my room in the apartment. But it's not so bad and the view is pretty great. I'm going to be here for two days. We then broke into our orientation groups and went walking to Crea Mall where a lot of shiny things are... as well as 100 yen stores. Fun, but I wish that Gregg was here with me. Surprisingly, I haven't spent that much and I FELT AN EARTHQUAKE TODAY!! I guess it was a relatively small one, but it was still weird to actually feel the building roll under my feet.

We had dinner at a kaiten sushi where the food was good, relatively cheap, and moving in front of you, two pieces of regular sushi is about 130 yen. We wandered so more and went back to the hotel, but we decided to have ice cream. Now, I'm back here in a yukata with Kawagoe Dai-ichi Hotel written all over it, writing on LiveJournal.

I had wanted to post pictures, but my internet connection is slow. I will post pictures later which I think that quite a few of you will appreciate. :)

I miss you guys!! Write to me?

I LOVE YOU GREGG!!!!!!!! <3

Hey guys

2006-08-30T10:34:26Z

I'm safe and sound... despite turbulence that made the plane I was in drop 30 feet midair.

I hate flying. I really loathe flying and I couldn't eat anything. But I'm okay and in Japan right now. Gregg, if you're reading this, I really love you and miss you horribly right now. I'm going to try to call you during a time when you're not busy but are awake, okay? Send me an e-mail, please.

See you guys

2006-08-28T03:03:28Z

This is my last entry before I go to Japan. I'm going to miss all of you so much because as of right now, three and a half months seems like forever.

It's funny though. For as long as I can remember, going to Japan was the only thing on my mind. I wanted to go and I wanted to stay no matter what. It's just funny that the eve before my flight, I'm having second thoughts about actually going. For one thing, I hate flying. For another thing, I currently have allergic hives from something horrible that I touched. But most importantly, I'm going to miss Gregg and I am going to miss my friends.

I can't sleep without hugging anything and I have a feeling that sleep is going to allude me for a while when I get there... if I get there. Because flying is the bane of my existence.

I have an attitude problem? (ANGRY RANT)

2006-07-14T23:36:07Z

If anything, I would think myself as more passive when confronted with problems than actively retaliating.

However, today, I got a first-hand experience of how some people really treat others. And hardly feel as if they wronged anyone.

I worked at the Bookstore today as usual, coming in early on Fridays to help Miriam open. Today though, it was Chris who traded shifts with Miriam because he had a show to watch that evening. Later in the day, I raised my voice at John Sullivan, mainly because he was irritating me. However, I felt guilty about it afterwards and I wasn't really angry at him. I just wanted him to do his work.

However, later in the day, I worked outside for the Sidewalk Sale. It was the last day, so there were more people than normal. At the end of the shift, I was supposed to take my last 15-minute break because I had been there since 7:15 in the morning until 3:45 in the afternoon. Robert came out to cover me since we needed to have a person there.

So, I left for my break when I suddenly heard an Asian guy giving Robert a hard time. He couldn't for the life of him understand why he had to show his ID for a credit card purchase. Robert tried to explain to him that it is to protect him and to prevent fraud, but the guy retorted with "where does it say that I have to show you my ID?!! Where is your supervisor? I demand to see a supervisor!"

Unfortunately, I was the only one there. Thus, I repeated explaining to the guy that he needed to show his ID to prevent fraud, then he repeatedly asked where it was written and asked for the supervisor. I pointed to my black shirt, with bold yellow embroidery saying "SUPERVISOR" but then he demanded to see the manager. Then, I sent Robert upstairs to get Kristin, my Senior Supervisor.

While Robert was gone, the guy was just talking to himself about how everything is "bull" and "why do I have to show my ID, I've never had to show my ID for a credit card purchase anywhere in California" and all sorts of crap. Then, he turned to me, his next target.

He asked me if I went to the school. All I said was a very firm "YES" without any deriding comments. Then he went off about saying that I have a very bad attitude and "what have they been teaching in this school" and that my answer should be "YES, SIR!!"

Complete and utter BULLSHIT. You haven't earned my respect dumbass, why should I call you "sir" when I don't have to answer to you?! F*cker.

Then, when Kristin came out and I went to meet her, he dropped everything about the ID and just started on a tirade about my attitude and how I shouldn't be working there.

I got so pissed that I went back to the store. I was able to help a couple of people before I just had to break down crying. However, they were not tears of sadness or guilt or shame, this time, they were tears of pure rage. I was so embarrassed that I didn't want to break down in front of the customers that I had to pass them on to Matt (sorry, but the way) and hide in the back room.

Later on, I heard that the guy came into the store and *FINALLY* showed his ID without question, but then he came back and started complaining, making derogatory comments about the entire system along with it. Kristin had to call out our DPS officers to escort the guy out. She is then going to launch a formal complaint about the guy, who is apparently connected or working in our school. I want to see him get shut down.

I will not take bullshit from him and if he makes up lies about me, I will tell the truth with all the people backing me up. I don't care whether he gives the school money or if he has three children coming here. I will not back down if it means crushing that bastard.

To all my Narbonne High School friends,

2006-06-14T23:37:43Z

I saw our former principal, Mr. Donahoe in the USC Bookstore while I was working the other day.

He looks exactly the same.

Then he told me he was a Bruin.

I reacted by attempting to hastily shove him out the door.

:)

Anime Expo

2006-06-12T06:24:53Z

Okay, so Bunyi is only going the first day.

Peter, you're still tentative about rooming, right?

*sighs* Here we are with a perfectly good room, and no one to split the costs with... it's not even that expensive either.

Well, if you know anyone who wants a room or your plans have changed, tell me asap.

Do you know...

2006-04-18T00:15:17Z

... how it feels to have finally realized one of your most precious dreams?

I first felt this when Gregg told me he loved me, and nothing can ever surpass that moment. When the loneliness that I both abhorred and feared dissipated into the warmest companionship and affection.

But this one dream is also special because I once grasped it in my hands and it still got away. The pain, the anger, and the scar never left. But now, god damn you, you're finally mine again. It took years, but you're finally mine.

Okay, I'll quit with the tirade and get straight to the point.

I received my acceptance letter to Japan's Tokyo International University today. Finally, I'm going to Japan. I will be able to see the land that has both captivated and eluded me these past few years. It's all I can do to keep from crying. I'm feeling feverish because--

OMFG.

I'm really going...

Sakahara Sensei!! I'm finally going!!

Okay, this is a long shot

2006-02-24T07:00:46Z

... but I'm getting desperate to the point of madness.

Is anyone out there a Faye Wong fan?
Who happens to have a significant amount of her songs?
I'm looking for the song titled "Asura" from her Fable album. I once had a midi file of the song, but I lost it through the years.
The Chinese of it is A Xiu Lou, I believe. MP3 help, please? Anyone?

*shoots in the dark*

I want that song so badly!!! *cries*

stolen from everyone too~

2006-01-17T19:25:01Z

1. Taken a topless picture? uhm, no
2. Painted your room? with fingerpaint when i was five!!
3. Kissed a member of the same sex? platonically
4. Driven a car? yep
5. Danced in front of your mirror? oh, yeah
6. Have a crush? right now? hee hee, yes
7. Been dumped? no
8. Stole money from a friend? nope
9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? well, in Troy Philippines when me, my friends, and some new people went to dinner
10. Been in a fist fight? yep
11. Snuck out of your house? oh yeah
12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? yes
13. Been arrested? noooo way
14. Made out with a stranger? over my dead body
15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? same answer as david
16. Left your house with out telling your parents? ehe, often
17. Had a crush on your neighbor? nope
18. Ditched school to do something more fun? senior ditch day
19. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? yes
20. Seen someone die? unfortunately, i must say yes now
21. Been on a plane? yep, got motion sick
22. Kissed a picture? ohohohoho yes
23. Slept in until 3? a couple of times
24. Love someone or miss someone right now? definitely
25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? yeppers
26. Made a snow angel? not really, i've only seen snow once
27. Played dress up? often, so fun
28. Cheated while playing a game? yep
29. Been lonely? yes
30. Fallen asleep at work/school? more often at work
31. Been to a club? yes
32. Felt an earthquake? yeah
33. Touched a snake? yep!
34. Ran a red light? no, not yet at least
35. Been beaten up BADLY? not really
36. Had detention? nu-uh
37. Been in a car accident? yes
38. Hated the way you look? almost every day
39. Witnessed a crime? yes
40. Fingered a girl? uhm, no
41. Been lost? too often
42. Been to the opposite side of the country? yes
43. Felt like dying? also too often
44. Cried yourself to sleep? yes
46. Sang karaoke? all day long new year's
47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? yep, my evil angel exists for something
48. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? yessh, it hurts
49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? no
50. Kissed in the rain? no, good idea though
51. Sang in the shower? ehe, yes
52. Made out in a movie theater? not yet, another good idea
53. Had a dream that you married someone? don't remember, so i'll say no
54. Glued your hand to something? construction paper
55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? such a foolish thing to do
56. Given head? ..........
57. Been a cheerleader? no
58. Sat on a roof top? total fun
59. Didn't take a shower for a week? good god, i must have water
60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? nope, it can be great
61. Played chicken? no
62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? yeah, that's what made me hate large bodies of water
63. Ran a stop sign? not yet
64. Broken a bone? yes
65. Been easily amused? every day
66. Laugh so hard you cry? yeah
67. Stolen something? pen from the bookstore csvc desk :)
68. Cheated on a test? no
69. Forgotten someone's name? hee hee, yes
70. Hurt yourself on purpose? yes
71. Blacked out from drinking? almost
72. Played a prank on someone? oh yah
73. Gone to a late night movie? yes
74. Made out to anything not human? no!
75. Failed a class? no
76. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? nope
77. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? yes!
78. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? definitely not
79. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? not very much
80. Been cheated on? yes
81. Felt like killing someone? my god, yes
82. Felt like running away? often
83. Ran away? no
84. Did drugs? never
85. Had detention and not attend it? nope
86. Made a parent cry? oh yeah
87. Cried over someone? yes
88. Owned more than 5 sharpies? actually, no
89. Dated someone more than once? yes
90. Had/Have a dog? yup
91. Own an instrument? uh-huh
92. Been in a band? no
93. Drank 25 sodas in a day? i don't think i can even drink more than two a day without feeling sick
94. Broken a CD?? for fun, oh yeah
95. Shot a gun? no
96. Had feelings for one of your best/good friends? yes